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Number 35, 517 words When I read one reader's story about nailing a beam through the ladder rungs, and how her father cursed... and cursed, and cursed and cursed... Well, I had to think of one day a few years ago... I was building a washroom by the back door, just around the corner from the head of the basement stairs. Really just a loo, you know, a 6X6 closet with a sink, vanity and toilet. It was all done, and none too soon, because I was just about out of steam and running real low on patience. This weekend project had dragged on into the end of next week, and very little had gone smoothly. Sometimes it's like that. Anyways, the plumbing and electrical were done; the walls were finally built, drywalled, tiled and trimmed, inside and out. The door was on, the floor was down, the sink was in, the lights were up and the fan was on high! Only one detail remained unfinished. The toilet! The essence of the loo, the throne, the crowning glory! My wife was preparing to crack the champagne as I wrestled the big bowl into place and bolted 'er down! Now! The tank - two screws, a coupling and then a great, grand oak seat with real brass hardware. Oh boy, we're gonna Christen this thing in about five minutes! Clunk? Clank, scrape, thud? Whaaaat!!! There's no room. Whadya mean there's no room?! There's no room - it doesn't fit... @#%$^*!! and of all the %#$%@&*!! I had somehow mis-measured, or missed my mark - the toilet flange was too close to the wall! I needed another 4 inches or so (pretty incredible, eh?) and I sure didn't want to move the flange because, be damned if I was going to ruin that new floor! So, I sulked for a couple hours in the cellar, swearing I'd never build anything again as long as I lived. And then, eureka! I know - I'll frame a hole in the wall for the tank. Yeah! Yeah, that's it - and I'll trim it and paint it and then I'll tell everyone that I did it that way to gain floor space. Great! So, I cut a hole in the wall, lined and trimmed it, painted it and waited. I got up real early the next day and very calmly, and very resolutely, proceded to install the toilet. Clunk? Clank, scrape, thud? Whaaaat!!! It doesn't fit! Whadya mean it doesn't fit?! I built the *%&^#$@!! hole in the wrong place!! So, I sulked for a couple hours in the cellar ... Re-frame the hole, line and trim it, paint it, wait overnight, and yes - finally, the toilet fit! Let me tell you, when I sit on that throne these days; well, I get tired just thinking about it, but we do appreciate the extra floor space!
Gil Strachan is a representative of Electrospec Home Inspections, South-eastern Ontario's largest home inspection firm. For free information or a copy of this, or any other article in the series, call toll-free 1-888-394-6954 in Canada & USA.
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